I don’t want to feel angry at my friend, but…

Right now I’m feeling pretty angry at one of my best friends. We’ve had arguments in the past but this is different – I honestly think she has no clue how she’s made me feel. Instead of yelling at her and ruining our friendship, I thought I’d write something about how I’m feeling to kind of get it out of my system.

So these are the reasons why I’m angry at her:

1. She was dismissive about my being unwell. I’ve been having pain in my hip for the past few months and, though I kept it quiet for the first couple of months, this month I decided to get some help for it. Coincidentally, another friend of ours has a hip problem at the minute too, which came to light first. So when I told my friend that I was going to the doctors about my hip, she said “Why? Because someone else was and you wanted to join in?” I know she didn’t mean it to sound like I was just being a copy-cat but that’s how it felt. It was belittling. When I was referred for tests after my appointment, she took very little interest in them, and when I went to get my results today she did not remember to ask how it went. I’ve been nervous all week about it, which I explained to her, and all she said was “really?!” The absolute worst part of all this was when she compared me and our other friend in terms of our hip trouble. She said that she felt more sorry for our friend because her hip pain was preventing her from playing sports, which she loves. I, on the other hand, am not at all sporty, and so she did not care so much about my problem. This whole thing has been disappointing, especially since I supported her through an injury a few months ago. I feel like I tried hard to care for her, and she didn’t want to do the same for me.

2. I’m trying really hard to find a job for when I graduate, but all she says when I tell her about it is “oh I really need to do some applications.” The thing is, she is not graduating this year! So it’s not really the same thing, is it? I get that she’s applying for internships for the summer, and I really hope she gets one, but I’m trying to sort out the rest of my life, which is a bit longer. I don’t want lots of attention for it, I just want her to listen to me for 5 minutes without thinking that she has bigger problems.

3. I’ve lost touch with a mutual friend, and my not-so-great-at-the-minute friend gave me all the pity of “I told you so.” Yes our mutual friend is a bit self-obsessed, and a bit of a flake, but losing her friendship is upsetting for me, not least because I’m only just realising how much effort I put into our friendship compared to her. I don’t need to hear that I was kidding myself all along.

4. All she thinks about is her work and her boyfriend. Now I get that both are important, but I listen to her all the time and sometimes I need to vent myself. I feel like we’re both carrying backpacks, and she keeps offloading from hers into mine, so mine just gets heavier and heavier. Whenever I try to put some of my stuff in hers, she pushes me away and just adds even more into mine. We’ve lost any balance in our relationship.

5. She doesn’t make time for me. She’s so stressed about her own life she just fits me in when she has time, around her boyfriend, flatmates, sports and work. Which is sad. I feel like second tier, basically.

6. She says things that hurt me without thinking about it. Like, I made a mistake on something a group of friends were working on, and instead of just saying like “don’t worry, mistakes happen” she made sure that I knew that the others were upset about it. I would never do that to someone, because I would realise they were feeling bad enough about it already and I didn’t need to rub salt in the wound. But she either didn’t realise it would upset me, or didn’t care.

7. The absolute worst thing about all of this is that she has no clue whatsoever about how I feel. And I won’t tell her, because I’m not great at confrontation (I’m really, really not) and I don’t want to risk our friendship. I graduate in a few months and I just want us to stay as close as possible in the mean time. It’s weird – it used to be that she was very supportive of me, especially when I had a rough time a couple of years ago, but now it’s like she feels like she’s done her bit, and she no longer needs to think about how I feel. Instead she says and does stuff that hurts me and has no clue. And today, when I tried to tell her I was upset and anxious she basically dismissed me. She didn’t understand how low I’ve been feeling. She didn’t want to.

So I’m angry at my friend and I don’t know what to do. If anyone out there has any advice for me I’d really appreciate it.

 

 

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Rom-com review 1: Crazy Stupid Love

I’ve decided to do a series of rom-com reviews. My friends are always telling me I watch too many rom-coms and I need to branch out, but I just love snuggling up with a blanket and indulging in a couple of hours of light-hearted romance. That’s not to say all rom-coms are great though – far from it. It can be a bit hit and miss with the rom-com world, so I thought I’d share my thoughts on what I’ve seen to help you decide what to watch, and what not to watch.

First up, I’ve picked what I consider to be one of the best rom-coms produced in recent years. Crazy Stupid Love came out in 2011 and I really don’t think there’s been as good a rom-com since. Even compared with some of the best rom-coms of the last 30 years, Crazy Stupid Love stands out. It’s well-acted, slickly filmed and there’s a brilliant story line to it.

The film focuses on Cal Weaver (Steve Carell), who is surprised to learn that his wife Emily (Julianne Moore) is unhappy in their marriage, has had an affair, and wants a divorce. Cue Jacob Palmer (played by the oh-so-popular Ryan Gosling), a ladies man who takes Cal under his wing and helps Cal re-enter the dating world. Far from being farcical, the storyline allows us to understand two very different characters and watch them interact.

There are several other plot lines going on at the same time, which makes this film more sophisticated than most rom-coms and adds a level of intrigue. The cast is brilliant, and includes Emma Stone, Marisa Tomei and Kevin Bacon. There are moments to laugh at, and moments that are very heartfelt. It’s a clever film, and it’s one that even those people who claim to hate rom-coms will be able to at least tolerate and hopefully enjoy.

Verdict: 9/10

 

 

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The magical powers of T Swizzle (that’s Taylor Swift to lay people)

I’m having a Taylor Swift evening. One of those nights where I just listen to her music and relax and wonder how she managed to get inside my head. She has come under a lot of fire for her relationships (actually, more for her break ups) but I maintain that T Swizzle, as she’s affectionately (I hope) called, has an immense talent for songwriting, and that that, not her love life, should be our focus.

One of my friends frequently criticises me for listening to Taylor Swift. She doesn’t understand that the reason I love Taylor’s songs is that she has the ability to accurately sum up how I’m feeling. Ironically, Taylor perhaps understands me better than my so-called friend in this way.

Take Never Grow Up, a track on Swift’s album Speak Now. In it Taylor sings of the pain of growing up, and the wish to stay young forever. She deftly sums up one of life’s big paradoxes: we only realise the treasure of childhood when we have lost it. This song is one of all my all time favourites – although it’s incredibly sad – with lines like “don’t lose the way that you dance around in your pj’s getting ready for school” and her reminder to remember “all your little brother’s favourite songs” particularly resonating with me. The lyric “I just realised everything I have is someday gonna be gone” is so true and so very sad.

In a more upbeat song, 22 (from her album Red), Taylor once again manages to hit the nail on the head and sum up what it’s like to be a young adult when she sings that “we’re happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time. It’s miserable and magical.” When I first heard the song I wondered when Swift had been in my head. Because I had this feeling – mostly last summer – of being both happy, and very unsure of myself. I was content with my life, but I had no idea where I was going. And part of that lack of direction is a feeling of loneliness, in that the only person on my path is me, and the only person who’ll end up at whatever my destination might be is myself. Except I’m not alone, because Taylor understands. You see the magic of T Swizzle?!

I hope Swift continues to produce music which is enjoyable to listen to and which is so pertinent at the same time. We’re a similar age, so as she grows I do too, and I’m looking forward to seeing how well she reads my mind in a few years’ time!

 

 

 

 

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Graduation: what I’ll miss

I think a lot of what I write over the next few months will be about the fact that I graduate from university this summer, so first off I’d like to apologise if I get a bit repetitive. The thing is, that is pretty much the one and only major thing in my life at the minute. It’s my biggest goal, and then past that is what my friend describes as ‘that big empty space’ which is the rest of my life.

I’ve been thinking about what I’ll miss about university, and actually it’s not so much, but the things I will miss are pretty big.

  • My friends. They are the best thing about this place and I’m going to really struggle to adapt to a world where my friends live more than a ten minute walk away. Last night, for example, I’d planned an evening of watching The Voice and falling asleep on the sofa. Then I got a text from a friend asking me to join her and our other friend at the pub. We ended up getting some food at the pub and then coming back to mine for pudding. We chatted until 11.30 but were still all tucked up in bed by midnight. That kind of spontaneity, and the ease with which we can meet up and still get back home quickly, cannot surely be replicated in what I’ve taken to calling ‘the real world’. I have no fears about maintaining my friendship with those I care about (and who care about me) – though I know it will be hard work – but I do wonder how different it will be when we’re not all in the university bubble together.
  • The town. I go to university in a tiny seaside town, and I love it. It’s quiet, but there’s loads to do. It’s peaceful, but you can’t walk down the street without bumping into someone you know. It has more pubs, cafes and restaurants than I can count. There’s a sense of history and community about the place. It’s a great place to live.
  • My flat. I have a lovely flat at the minute, and I feel so at home here. If I could pick it up and bring it with me I would, but apparently that’s not something people do. It’s going to be really hard to say goodbye to it and move back in with my parents come summer.

I could go on and on about what I won’t miss, but I don’t want to do that. It’s a time to remember the good and move on to the future, not dwell on the past, I reckon. It has not been plain sailing but it has been good all round and that’s what counts.

What do you love about university, if you’re a student? What will you miss? And if you’ve graduated, what was it like to leave it all behind?

 

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My Mad Fat Diary Series 2

The British Telly

The show is back, but not soon enough. Here are a bunch of gifs for your pleasure and the trailer.

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My latest telly obsession – My Mad Fat Diary

I’m extra-excited for series 2 of My Mad Fat Diary, which is back soon. Since I’m so keen, I’ve written a little list to try to persuade everyone to watch this amazing series. If you like the sound of it, you can catch up on the first series before the second one starts!

Reasons to watch My Mad Fat Diary:

1. Rae. The central character, Rae is that incredible combination of funny and sweet. She’s endearingly witty. Sort of like Bridget Jones but more self-aware and 15 years younger. She worries about her weight and the way she looks, she obsesses over boys and she struggles to maintain her friendship with best mate Chloe just like the rest of us. She thinks she’s the one who hasn’t got it together, but really she’s the most normal of us all.

2.The Gang. The rest of The Gang are the kind of people you wish you were friends with. They’re fun and funny, chilled and so up-to-date with all the latest trends and music. They ride motorcycles and they go to raves. They have post-party debriefing sessions in the local chippy. They’re uber-cool.

3. The 90’s. The series is set in the 90’s and I’m a serious 90’s child, so I just love it. The clothes, the music, the way mobile phones weren’t around. It’s all about the people and living in the moment. There’s a lot of denim, and Oasis, and cup-a-soup.

4. The acting. The entire cast is very believable and very watchable. And Sharon Rooney’s performance is just amazing. She manages to be funny, serious, deep and light-hearted, often within a few moments of each other.

5. It’s good fun. Despite featuring themes such as mental illness, drink and drugs, and relationships, at its core My Mad Fat Diary is a programme about people and is enjoyable to watch. It isn’t afraid to deal with the big issues, but it’s also unashamedly having a laugh. It’s great telly if you’re feeling happy or sad.

I hope I’ve managed to convince you to give it a go. Please let me know if you watched it already, or if you’re inspired to have a watch. I’d love to know what you all think.

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